the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
