I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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