Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
