we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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