I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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