he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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