How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize