I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
