They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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