Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
