be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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