oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
