why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
