Soap is not a condiment
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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