She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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