One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
