But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
