just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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