My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
