fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
