Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
