I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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