2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
