it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
