Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dicks are not precious.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
