omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
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