And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
