look no pants
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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