So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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