haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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