The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
