I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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