JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.