Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
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My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
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Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.