My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
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hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
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I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.