Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom

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  (617): Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.' (617): we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom http://tfl.nu/ju2m
  Replies (24) Good night (938) Bad night (2648)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos

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  (512): watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos http://tfl.nu/z3bc
  Replies (17) Good night (8169) Bad night (1340)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit

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  (917): you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit http://tfl.nu/h4ki
  Replies (7) Good night (4741) Bad night (1288)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out

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  (508): he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out http://tfl.nu/cxh0
  Replies (8) Good night (4067) Bad night (915)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.

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  (860): Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried. http://tfl.nu/p6ag
  Replies (13) Good night (2605) Bad night (4592)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.

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  (250): I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him. http://tfl.nu/wjhp
  Replies (16) Good night (5697) Bad night (931)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note

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  (706): Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note http://tfl.nu/2uyq
  Replies (5) Good night (4322) Bad night (912)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel

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  (201): I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel http://tfl.nu/tjoe
  Replies (8) Good night (2837) Bad night (977)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.

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  (270): I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely. http://tfl.nu/i6l6
  Replies (5) Good night (3268) Bad night (597)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room

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  (610): Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room http://tfl.nu/oqu1
  Replies (20) Good night (3645) Bad night (755)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat

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  (615): We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat http://tfl.nu/d487
  Replies (11) Good night (862) Bad night (2042)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.

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  (701): Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect. http://tfl.nu/4n2p
  Replies (2) Good night (619) Bad night (955)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.

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  (256): My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted. http://tfl.nu/wkzb
  Replies (0) Good night (854) Bad night (254)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.

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  (617): the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it. http://tfl.nu/pyx3
  Replies (3) Good night (1275) Bad night (366)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.

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  (303): Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super. http://tfl.nu/a5le
  Replies (1) Good night (546) Bad night (316)

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