shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
nutella sex= disaster
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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