Bea Arthur died! :(
Big bird passed.
My hand turned me down
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.