she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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