dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
