i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
