i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He better not be in your backpack
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
