The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
