Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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