I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
