take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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