Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
