I cannot find my penis.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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