the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
