how can u be prego again
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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