R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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