i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
