yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
