Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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