my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
