Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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