You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
