guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
