Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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