just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
