i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
