She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My feet surprised me
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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