We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
