Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
