i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
