I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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