How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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