What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
