Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
