i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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