Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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