i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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