his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize