she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Randomize
