Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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