ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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