my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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