Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
