I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
