Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
