Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
