whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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