the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
