Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
