You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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