I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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