I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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