The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i've created a new STD.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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