Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
